


you can see it with the lights out

by fraudulentzodiacs



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Career Ending Injuries, Established Relationship, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23207614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fraudulentzodiacs/pseuds/fraudulentzodiacs
Summary: Tyler suffers a career-ending injury, and Jamie gets him through.
Relationships: Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 131
Collections: Bennguin Quarantine Fest 2020





	you can see it with the lights out

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Bennguin Quarantine Fest with the prompt “I can’t feel my legs”

It happens quicker than Jamie has time to process. 

They’re in OT, fighting desperately for the points they need. Jamie’s on the bench, but Tyler’s on a breakaway, one of the Bruins’ D-men close behind, and the home crowd is on their feet screaming as he draws closer to the goal. Jamie sees the stick, watches as they hook Tyler around the ankle and pull, sending him twisting and flying into the goal. He slams into the post head first, and the crowd falls silent as Tyler, the goal, and Rask slam into the boards. The goal collapses on top of Tyler, while Rask somehow manages to roll away. 

The crowd falls silent, Tyler doesn’t move, and Jamie launches himself off the bench as the trainer, Mick, races onto the ice. He’s stopped before he can get to Tyler by Guri and Miro. He watches as Pastrnak and one of the refs lift the goal off of Tyler, allowing Mick access. He doesn’t move Tyler, and he doesn’t seem to respond to any of Mick’s questions. When he calls for a stretcher, Jamie breaks through his teammates’ hold and skates over, dropping down onto a knee so he can hover over Tyler. 

“Ty?” He asks, and Mick shakes his head. 

“He’s unresponsive.” He tells him, and Jamie feels the floor drop out beneath him. He steps back enough to let the medics put a brace on Tyler’s neck and slide the backboard beneath him. When they lift him up, Tyler groans but doesn’t open his eyes. Jamie watches them cart him off the ice, doesn’t even realize he’s followed them down the tunnel and into the locker room until the rest of the team follows suit a few minutes later. Technically, according to the refs, Tyler’s puck went in before he crashed into the goal, so they won the game. Jamie could care less, stripping off his uniform and dumping it in the basket before taking the quickest shower of his life and changing into his street clothes. Bones and Jim are waiting when he exits the locker room, and he attempts to barrel past them when he’s stopped by Jim’s hand on his chest. 

“I have to go.” Jamie tells them through gritted teeth. 

“We need to talk.” Jim tells him. “If Seguin’s out…”

“We don’t know anything for sure yet.” Bones points out. 

“He had to be carried out unconscious on a stretcher!” Jim snaps. “We need to formulate a plan.”

“Right now, my plan is to go to the hospital and check on Tyler.”

“He’s being taken care of, Jamie.” Bones assures him. “Right now…”

“No, right now, I’m leaving and going to the hospital.”

“Jamie.” Jim interrupts him. “I know you take your captain duties very seriously…”

“This isn’t about the C!” 

“I know he’s also your friend…”

“He’s more than that!” The words escape Jamie’s mouth before he can stop them. He drags his hand through his damp hair, feels his breathing quicken as he realizes what he’s done. There’s no way to back out of this one, no way to explain it away. He swallows the lump growing in his throat and stares at the ground. “He’s-we’re together.”

He doesn’t dare look up until he hears Jim clear his throat. He’s surprised that neither look angry, really - more shocked than anything. 

“You’re telling me that you and Seguin are…in a relationship?” Jim finally asks, and Jamie nods.

“Yes.” He confirms. “For years.”

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“It wasn’t anybody’s business. Still isn’t.”

“You don’t think this is something we should have known?” 

“No, but now you know. And I have to go.” Jim nods and steps aside enough to let Jamie pass. Before he can go, however, he grabs Jamie’s bicep. “We’ll need to talk about this, but I want you to know that this organization will support you both, whatever you two decide to do.”

Jamie nods and practically jogs to the parking garage. 

The hospital’s emergency department is packed when he arrives, and he’s grateful to be recognized for once when the intake nurse’s eyes widen and she ushers him back to the patient area. Tyler is asleep when he steps in, Mick speaking quietly to a doctor in the corner. Both of them look up when he steps through the sliding door, Mick thanking the doctor before he leaves. 

“How is he?” Jamie asks. “He still hasn’t woken up?”

“He did, briefly, but they put him back under while they assessed him and to keep him still.”

“And?”

“He has a concussion but that’s not the real problem. He has a crushed vertebrae. They’ll need to go in and repair his spine and they need to do it quickly.”

“Spinal surgery?” Jamie can barely process the words. 

“We’ll know more after that.” Mick replies. “We need to contact his people. Does he have a girlfriend?”

“No, uh, no he doesn’t.”

“Do you know who his emergency contact is?”

“Me.” Jamie replies simply. “I’ll call his mom and sisters.” It’s a dismissal and Mick knows it. 

“Okay, great. I’ll be outside but the nurses should be here soon to prep him for surgery.” Jamie waits until Mick slides the door shut before he collapses into the seat next to Tyler’s bed. They’ve been through injuries before, but Jamie feels a fear course through him like never before. He places his hand on top of Tyler’s, afraid to lift it so he can hold it the way he wants to. Tyler is still - so still- beneath him, and that’s what’s most disturbing to Jamie. Tyler is never still, even in sleep. This is unnatural and Jamie almost wants to recoil from him. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Jamie assures him, reaching up to push a stray curl off of his boyfriend’s face. “You’re going to be fine.”

“Sir?” A nurse asks gently as she steps into the room. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave while we prep him for surgery.”

“I can’t stay?”

“Are you family?” She asks, and Jamie’s gaze falls back to Tyler.

“Yeah.” He replies softly. “He’s my family.”

—

The surgery takes hours. Or perhaps minutes. Jamie loses track of time in the small waiting room they settle him into when they wheel Tyler off. Jackie texts him to tell him that she’ll be on the next flight out of Toronto, and Jamie promises to text her with updates. The only other person he responds to is Jordie, but after that he turns his phone off. Klinger arrives about half an hour after they take Tyler. He rests a hand on Jamie’s shoulder, and Jamie can only lean forward and rest his head in his hands. Rads walks in ten minutes later, taking the open seat on the other side of Jamie. 

“They say something?” He asks, and Jamie shakes his head. 

“They said the surgery could take a few hours. It’s his spine.”

“He be okay, Chubbs.” Rads assures him. “Seggy strong.”

Before Jamie can reply, Bish and Pavs enter the room, followed closely by Dobby and Jason. The massive hockey players fill the small room, but they’re silent for the most part. Rads and Dobby occasionally converse in muttered Russian, and Bish and Klinger disappear long enough to grab coffee for everyone. Jamie tries to turn down the offered cup, but Bish only shoves it into his hand and walks back to his seat. 

When the doctor comes out, Jamie flies out of his chair and is across the small room in three strides to meet him. The others all stand, and the surgeon looks appropriately intimidated by their presence. 

“Mr. Benn?” He asks, and Jamie nods. 

“Yes, how is Tyler?”

“He came through the surgery as well as can be expected. There was significant damage to the T12 vertebra as well as some less severe compression of the L1. We were able to repair and stabilize the L1, but there was only so much that could be done for the T12.”

“So, what now?” Jamie asks, and he doesn’t miss the doctor’s hesitance. Bish comes up behind Jamie, offering silent support. 

“Now, we wait. We wait for him to wake up, then we wait for the swelling to go down and see how severe the damage is. It’ll be a long road, and I’m afraid that at this time I can’t give a better prognosis than that.”

“Can I see him?”

“He’s still in recovery, so it’ll be a few more hours. I suggest you go home and get some rest.”

“I’m fine.” Jamie snaps, and the doctor sighs. 

“Mr. Benn, I know you’re concerned about your friend…”

“Not just friend.” Rads interrupts him, coming up on the other side of Jamie. “He’s Boyfriend. Partner. He want to stay, he stay. We all stay. He our teammate, too.”

The surgeon seems to appraise all of them for a moment before nodding. 

“Okay. I’ll have a nurse come and get you when he’s out of recovery. Only one visitor at a time, though.”

“Thank you.” Jamie replies, running his hand over his face before staring at the ceiling. He can feel the panic rising, his breathing growing heavier. 

“I need…uh, I have to-”

“Tell us what you need, Chubbs.” Pavs tells him, pushing into his space enough to grab Jamie’s attention. “We’ve got you.”

“Uh, the dogs. Someone needs to go home and feed the dogs.”

“On it.” Jason tells him. “Keys?”

“Uh…Marshall gets a special kind. The instructions are in the kitchen pantry. I’ll call the dog sitter tomorrow to take over.” Jamie hands him the keys and Jason leaves with a quick clap on Jamie’s shoulder. 

Once Jason’s gone, the room falls silent again as they wait and wait and _wait_. Jamie wants to climb the walls, wants to scream and yell and punch someone until he can feel something other than the unbearable panic and sadness and heartbreak that was sure to overwhelm him at any moment. He wants to go home, wants to walk through the door and find Tyler waiting for him. Wants to wrap him up in his arms because that’s the only time in Jamie’s entire life that he feels safe. Wants to know that Tyler is safe and not possibly dying on an operating table. 

When the nurse finally comes, when he’s finally allowed back into the patient rooms, Jamie’s not prepared for seeing Tyler asleep on the hospital bed, machines surrounding him. He stirs when Jamie walks into the room, groaning and groggy. Jamie pulls a chair as close to the bed as he can, wrapping his hand around Tyler’s. 

“‘amie?” Tyler asks, and Jamie brings Tyler’s hand to rest against his cheek. 

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Happen?”

“There was an accident. You hurt your back.” Tyler groans again and nods. He seems to calm for a moment until his eyes flash open, yanking his hand away from Jamie as the machines around him begin to beep frantically. Jamie hits the button for the nurse before he stands to hover over Tyler.

“Ty?” Ty, babe, you have to calm down.”

“I can’t…” Tyler begins, shaking his head. “I can’t feel my legs.”

Jamie feels the breath leave his lungs in an instance, but he pushes that aside to cradle Tyler’s face in his hands. 

“There’s swelling from the surgery, Ty. You’ll be okay. Just breathe, okay?”

“Jamie, but I can’t-”

“Please step aside for a moment.” The nurse tells him, the doctor following closely behind and they get to work. 

—

The next few weeks are a blur of activity and yet Jamie remembers little of it. Tyler’s in the hospital for three days, then a rehab facility for a week, then Jamie finally gets to bring him home. He has their bed moved down to the office on the ground floor, and a wheelchair ramp is installed on the front steps. Jamie feels a churning in his gut every time he sees or thinks about anything to do with Tyler’s injury, though he is determined not to let it show in front of him. 

Tyler’s angry and bitter, Jamie can tell, at his lack of progress. He still hasn’t regained feeling in his legs. Despite the doctors telling them that Tyler should heal in time, there’s little progress and Jamie knows that Tyler is frustrated. Tyler’s hockey career is over, an unspoken truth between them. Over before its time, before they could reach their goals, lift the Cup together. It’s a truth that Jamie has trouble swallowing, but he pushes his own selfish feelings aside to support his boyfriend. 

Tyler stares at the ramp after Jamie gets him out of the car and settled into the chair. His face is hard and cold, so different from what Jamie’s used to. After a moment, Tyler turns his gaze to the ground and wheels the chair up the ramp to the front door. Jamie follows, unlocking the door and letting himself enjoy having Tyler back in their home again. Tyler heads straight for the living room, clearly searching for something. 

“Where are the dogs?”

“Your mom is picking them up from Bish’s house this afternoon. I thought you could use some time to settle in.”

“Get used to the new normal?” Jamie freezes at that, looking over at Tyler. 

“Ty…”

“I know, I know. I just…what if I never get better? What if I never walk again?”

“You’ll get better. The doctors-”

“The doctors don’t know everything! They said I should’ve regained feeling in my legs by now at the very least, and I haven’t. We have to face reality. The truth is, I might be in this chair for the rest of my life.”

“Then we’ll deal with it, together.”

“Jamie…” Tyler’s voice is heartbreaking, and Jamie’s filled with a sudden panic and fear. “Jamie, I can’t ask you to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Stay with me!” Tyler snaps. “This isn’t what you signed up for?”

“What? What I signed up for?”

“Taking care of a cripple!”

Jamie can’t stop himself from slamming his hand against the kitchen counter. 

“You really think I would leave you because you’re hurt?” Jamie’s voice is laced with hurt and dangerously soft. “You really think that little of me?”

“Jamie…”

“No! My turn to talk. We’ve been together for _five years_ , and you think I would just, what, walk away because things are hard? _I love you, asshole_.”

Jamie looks up to see tears brimming in Tyler’s eyes, and he stomps away to their new bedroom, digging through his sock drawer until he can find the small box he stashed away there. When he comes back to the living room, Tyler’s eyes snap to his. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers harshly, and Jamie nods. 

“I know.”

“It’s just…so hard.” Jamie crosses over to the couch, taking a seat across from Tyler and grasping his wrist, dropping the box into his hand. 

“I know it’s hard. But, when I fell in love with you, I didn’t think it would never suck. That we wouldn’t have bad times. But I love you enough to know that there’s no one else I’d want to go through the bad times with.”

Jamie gestures down to the box, and a shaky breath escapes Tyler when he opens it and finds a simple silver band inside. 

“When did you buy this?”

“Two days after your accident.” Jamie answers. “When I thought that there was a chance that I could lose you…I don’t know, I couldn’t remember anymore why we were waiting.”

Tyler’s laugh is wet, but he’s smiling when he looks up at Tyler.

“So,” Jamie asks, and takes the box from Tyler’s hand. “Will you?”

Tyler’s lips on his is all the answer he needs. 


End file.
